Jodi Bieber
I used to be very lonely. I would sit in my bedroom all day and didn¿Äôt talk to anybody. I wanted to be alone. I really wanted to get better, I went to several places and spent a lot of money on drugs, but it all didn¿Äôt help. They only gave me medicines, but that didn¿Äôt cure the problems of my heart. Now I am also talking to people, to a psychiatric, and now I feel much better. I really wanted to change my life and do something about my problems. I have eight children and it is in their interest that I get better. I don¿Äôt want to sit down in the house all day and do nothing but worry. I want to be healthy again. Before I was under treatment I had no appetite at all; I didn¿Äôt eat nor drink much. I used to weigh 78 kg, but I lost a lot of weight, at one point I only weighted 60 kg. Now that I am slowly feeling better again I weigh 63 kg. I used to work in a company and had a good job, but I could no longer concentrate. I had to resign. I had saved quite an amount as a deposit in the bank, but somebody stole my money, expensive clothes of my wife and jewelry. One day I was taken, they threw me on the floor and kicked my head. Then they blindfolded me and hang me upside down on one foot for ten days. The fact that they only tied up one leg hurt the most, if it would have been my two feet it would maybe be more feasible. These people are really bad people. They are beasts. They treated me like an animal. I am still very afraid of uniforms. The other day I looked at the television and saw armed men on the screen. I immediately felt sick and got many flashbacks. I am still too afraid. When I become angry and I want to calm down my emotions I hit a pillow. That way I am sure I don¿Äôt break anything in my house or hit my children. It helps. My family has always been very supportive. They knew what had happened. But before I got treatment we were not close. They would avoid me, because they were afraid that I would become angry and maybe hit them. I have never hit them, but still they were afraid of me. I felt very lonely. Now also they see that I make progress, they help me to remind I have to go to the counseling sessions. Even my neighbor reminds me. They are also glad to see the changes in me. I found out that there was a significant risk that my son would be kidnapped. I immediately sent my son to my mother in the city, to Lhokseumawe. I was too afraid that he would get hurt. It is important that people know what happened in Aceh. People should know and never forget the atrocities committed to the people in Aceh. My children will need to know. This must not happen again. I have lost a lot during the conflict, but I don¿Äôt need everything back. That is not what I am asking for. I just would like to have some capital so I can start my own business again and take care of my family myself. I really don¿Äôt need much; I just need a chance. The government and the different NGOs don¿Äôt do much for us. They act as we don¿Äôt exist, as if we don¿Äôt have needs. They have never helped the conflict victims. They only look at the tsunami victims. But we are alive and we have needs too. I hope that there are people that want to help us too.